Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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