I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
