My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
