But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
