We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
