i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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