So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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