Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
