....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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