dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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