So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
