Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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