cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
