his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
