He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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