Me too!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
