the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
