You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
