Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
