I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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