I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
