I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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