WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
