Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
