I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
