Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
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