Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
