Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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