Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
