I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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