There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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