Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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