You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
