I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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