So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
