i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He did a backflip because drugs
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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