My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
