Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
