bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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