Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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