apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
