I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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