you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
