Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
