you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
