We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
