the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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