Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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