you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
