Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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