Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
