Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
