god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
